Thursday, May 1, 2014

Dev's Toe Revisited: A Cautionary Tale


August, 2013: The night before D proposed, he stubbed his toe jumping off our friend Dave's dock. This dock:

Flash forward a few days. I was sporting an awesome rock, and Devin was sporting this: 

Now please keep in mind that D has spent literally ten. years. (Charlotte voice from Sex and the City movie - She has been dating the man for TEN. YEARS.) doing things like this (this is him in the picture):

He got banged up a couple times, but for the most part he's fine. 

But somehow, the minor details of everyday life have a way of getting the best of our dear D. Like when he was throwing a giant coil of rope (???) around and hit himself in the eye and looked like this when he met my entire extended family at Thanksgiving: 

Anyway. Back to the toe. It's now been eight months. The nail fell off and grew back, but it had some kind of self-hating thing where it was basically trying to kill D from within by growing down into his body.

When he saw the above picture just now he said "Oh my god. Thank you for staying with me. I'm so sorry."

Today, it was time for the nail to go. I recommended Devin prep by taking a shot of whiskey, Civil War Style - or at least as Civil War Style was explained to my first grade class by a Civil War re-enactor. 

SF cup, for toughness. 

(We didn't have any whiskey.)

Cheers to the re-birth of D's toe.

Down the hatch!

"Are you ready?" "No." 

I was banned from the Operating Room (Our Bathroom), so I made you this beautiful graphic to show basically what was going on in there. 

Finally, I was allowed in. It was a blood bath. Literally. 

(See what I did there?)

If you do this yourself, don't forget the hydrogen peroxide. 
A deep and unrelenting, searing pain means it's working.

So, after eight months, our long national nightmare is over. The curse has been lifted.

"A toast to Field Surgery!"


  1. Jesus, I can relate. Oftentimes 'surgeries' were performed on my ingrown nails as a kid. Or simply because I've clipped my dog's nails....then she hates me for a day or so. Get Devin a cane, I'm sure he'll love that. He'll look distinguished!